How L.L. Bean Shifted My Worldview

Consciousness | 0 comments


The Awakening of the Ripple


I recently wrote a children’s story, The Cardinals Gift – A True Story of Finding Hope in Grief, about a young girl and her early experience of grief following her father’s death. A cardinal enters her dark mornings in late winter, disrupting her desire to hide from the world under her covers while rejecting the gifts the bird has to offer.

The book is based on my story following the death of my 42-year-old husband. I, too, hid under the covers, struggling to greet every day and feeling powerless to ease our pain until something changed.

Early on, I was oblivious to the visiting cardinal as a source of my “awakening,” literally and figuratively. I noticed I was waking up to catch a bird sighting each day. Shortly after that, I was getting out of bed before the cardinal arrived. I engaged in life a bit more, a step toward being among the living again.

I suspect my science background as a registered nurse guided a myopic mindset, convincing me the bird visits were simply a coincidence. It was simple; a cardinal was pecking at my window—end of discussion.

Curiosity exists for a reason.

The bird’s persistence began to pique my curiosity for some deeper meaning.  Concerned my children thought I was losing touch, I asked their opinion about the bird sightings. I received this caution, “the grief counselor told us something is wrong if you think your dead parent is coming back as a bird.” Child, thank you for that. Duly noted. Despite their cries of “Mom, come look, there’s the cardinal” whenever they saw the bird.

As these cardinal experiences continued, doubt crept in to challenge my certainty. Our loss skewed the alignment of everything I knew to be true. As our family was living with so much uncertainty, I challenged my assumptions about everything.

Imagining how our world would reorder itself from this emotional chaos was exhausting. My vulnerability grew, and I wanted desperately to feel the ground under my feet and maybe a bit of hope.

The cardinal visits persisted.

Long story short.

Fast-forward to the dreaded ‘first’ Christmas. All those firsts were yet to come. That thought went straight to the land of later. Retail therapy was a good distraction, and L.L. Bean Catalogs (pre-digital life) were plentiful.

I flipped through the pages, avoiding the images of happy families skiing at the top of a mountain in their comfy winter gear.  Success! I found a cardinal snow globe in the specialty gift section. I was giddy with excitement. My husband’s mother loved cardinals! Yes, I nailed down one gift. Amen!

I headed straight for the phone (yes, my landline) to place my order. It felt good to have one thing crossed off my list! A brief hiatus from the engulfing fog of indecision. My sentimental brain considered ordering one for myself, but they were pricey, so I thought better of that idea.

Several weeks later, my L.L. Bean package arrived. Remember, this was the pre-next-day delivery era, so two weeks was timely! Digging through the box, I found a styrofoam container with the snow globe. It was perfect, and Gram would love it. I wish I had ordered one for myself. (That’s fodder for another blog!)

But wait… I spotted another box.

Be careful what you ask for.

There sat a second snow globe. You could have knocked me over with a feather. “I’m confused. I know I only ordered one,” I mumbled. I checked the packing slip, and one globe was listed; one globe was charged to my credit card.

Feeling guilty, I called L.L.Bean customer service to report the error. “Sorry, Ma’am, you must be mistaken; one ordered, one charged,” said the woman as I gazed upon a globe in each hand.

Yes, children, I was losing my mind!

Questions began spewing from my brain. What just happened here? Coincidence? Maybe. L.L. Bean is psychic? Unlikely. Human error? Perhaps. Divine intervention? I’m leaning hard into that one! I sensed a growing need to trust my intuition more and enjoy the synchronicity in the world.

Awakening happens in the most unexpected places.

Shock, delight, and a spark of hope in one little box. My gratitude for our cardinal visits and snow globe was undeniable, but the true gift surpassed their physical beauty. Over time, my experience with loss awakened a shift in my worldview about love, universal energy, and healing.

Here are a few of my discoveries along the way.

  • I am constantly surrounded by a power far greater than myself.

  • There will always be meaningful mystery in life and death.

  • The universe always stands ready to support me when I ask.

  • My answers always find me. Pay attention.

Short story long.

So began my exploration of bridging my science mind with my spiritual world and bonding their relationship to healing and grace.

It is a mind-blowing, blessed journey to be awakened to the power of healing daily. I continue to learn to trust how I am guided and strengthened with staggering synchronicity by those known and unknown to me in the past and present.

Thank you, L.L. Bean. You created a life-changing ripple.

Love and healing,

P.S. Life is freakin’ hard sometimes, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Pebbles, rocks, and boulders create ripples in our lives, some more pronounced than others. The challenge is recognizing them and allowing space for the lessons they can teach us. Simple, but not easy!

Upcoming Creating Ripples Workshops

Kitchen Table Talks: It’s FREE! Join us monthly from 6:30 to 8:00 p.m. EST virtually for connection, conversation, and community to talk about all things life, death, and grief.
  • What challenges are you facing in caring for a loved one with a life-limiting illness?
  • Do you have questions or concerns about creating advanced directives?
  • Have you or someone you care about experienced a recent loss of a loved one?
  • Do you have guidance to share that has been useful to you and your family?

Get Your Ticket Now!

Bring Your End-of-Life Wishes Alive. Discover What Matters Most. It Changes How We Live. 
  • A 3-part virtual gathering: Two virtual sessions and 6:30p-8:00 EST & A Private Scheduled Coaching Call Date TBA
Grow With Your Grief: SoulCollage for Grievers- Date TBA
  • We are all touched by grief.

  • We are all changed by grief.

  • We all experience grief uniquely.

  • Grief is natural.

Listen to what your grief has to share through imagination and intuition using SoulCollage.

  • No experience with SoulCollage is needed.

  • All supplies provided, bring only your curiosity.

  • Creating connection one story at a time!



Mindfully Navigating Grief Through the Holidays

Sign up for notifications and Zoom links